Oh, Craig! You so Fuh-nee

This video explains itself...watch it for some good belly laughs.

I Love Me Some Supernatural

Sit down, relax and enjoy a nice, warm cup of clarity.
(Listening to: Carry on My Wayward Son by Kansas)

Mmmm, Supernatural, you taste so good. You're like a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day. I love you like a fat kid loves choc-o-late! OK, I'm done with the weird comments (at least of the food-reference kind) and on to more important things. Anyone who watches Supernatural is of course aware that it has gone into an absurd hiatus (2010...REALLY???) and so I thought, in case anyone was in a desperate need of their fix, I would post a link to my personal favorite review site. It is written by a paranormal humor mysteries (at least that's what the website says, so I'll go with it) author named Tracy Morris and damn is she funny. She has reviewed every episode (I'm fairly certain, but don't hold me to it) up through season 5 episode 4. Read through them (all, or just some of your favorite episodes, either works) and enjoy. It will definitely keep that Supernatural itch scratched for a good while.


Good morning, Good evening, Good riddance.

The Obsession that is...Twilight

Sit down, relax and enjoy a nice, warm cup of clarity.
(Listening to: Simple Things by Amy Kuney)

Okay so it may not be original but it sure needs to be said. I cannot stand Twilight. I know there are plenty of you out there and while a lot of what I have to say has been said before, I do have some things to add. Mostly they concern Stephenie Meyer herself as she is the evil mastermind behind this bizarre obsession that has swept the world (no really, the world. People everywhere read that book! I wonder when space travel will be possible...) I'll try to organize my thoughts (for both our benefits) so give me a second...

Okay, ready.

Point 1: Stephenie Meyer - Evil Mastermind or Witless Retard?
So this Stephenie Meyer chick...um...I am honestly just baffled. She has admitted to writing the first book as something for herself, not even thinking of publishing until she realized she had a whole book. Hmm...really? Why on earth would a middle-aged woman be writing a semi-erotic story about two teenagers (well one is technically a 100+ year old vampire, but really, he acts like a moody emo teenager so I consider him labeled as such) who spend their time ogling over their partners looks or watching them sleep (neither of which is a foundation for a healthy relationship)? Simply put, I think that answer is based in SM's religion. Now, I have nothing against religion (except the fact that it often serves as a vessel for people to do evil in the name of their God - but for all you upstanding religious folk...hoorah) but Mormonism is much more than simply a religion, it is an entire culture. Now I have known many Mormons in my life and they are great people, incredibly nice and hard working, they value family which I can relate to but something always irked me about them. I think with Meyer and her novel Twilight it is finally clear what that something was. It is a repression of every female aspiration or characteristic that didn't, in some way or another, aid them in securing a husband and children. Now as a female myself, that is very scary. I could not imagine looking ahead at my life knowing that no matter how smart I was, how good I did in school, or how far I set my sights, the man I married and children I bore would be all I would ever be expected to contribute to the world. Meyer obviously has this mentality engraved deep, deep into her brain because it is seeping out of the pages of Twilight and it's sequels. Bella can't wait to marry Edward and bear his children, she forsakes college *ahem*, friends *cough*, family *hack*, and basically anything that a normal teenager might look forward to *my throat is sore...*. Now I can just hear the twilight fans (twitards...hey I didn't make it up, it's just easier to type...and a little more satisfying) saying "but she's NOT normal!!! She's soooo special, haven't you seen the way Edward stares at her, the way he watches her walk, talk, and sleep" (yea, I have, but thanks for that reminder *shiver*). My response - No. Bella is not a mature teenager, she is an immature middle-aged woman (sound familiar Stephenie Meyer???) Not one decision she makes is one that a mature individual would make, but one a person who only THINKS they're mature would. I mean, how many times throughout the book does Bella bring up how selfless she is, how annoyed she is with her immature peers, how she knows exactly what she wants to do with the rest of her life at the tender age of 17? It's a sick, distorted view of what mature really means.

Point 2: Slow and steady wins the race, but I guess quick and illogical makes the bank
I'm just going to mention it because I could go on about it forever (see above paragraph...overkill?...ah well) but the fact that SM wrote this book in 3 months (!!!) is ridiculous. No plausible story could be created in that short a span of time and it is really obvious that she put almost no planning into the story whatsoever (it was only meant to be a catalog of her favorite wet dreams after all...) There, I said it, I'm done.

Point 3: You don't want to be barefoot and pregnant? Wait, are you a girl?
Every female character's attitude and actions could be whittled down to their attitude towards men and children (except for Alice, which just shows how little character development SM put into everyone other than Bella and Edward because I'm sure it would've come up sooner or later had this been Alice's story) The fact that Bella is always trying to have sex with Edward, to give up any semblance of a life to simply be with him is like a huge arrow with blinking lights pointing towards a brightly colored billboard that says "Um, duh, this girl has no brain, no ambition, and no self respect". Twilight is anti-feminist. There, I said it. Now, for some reason there is a sort of taboo associated with the word feminist today, which I believe has less to do with what that word actually represents and more to do with what those who appose it fear. But feminism isn't about putting down men, it's about raising up women and creating a stable foundation for equality to flourish. Does that sound so bad? Does it sound scary and wrong? No, of course not but people have always used fear as a tool to turn people against certain things. And for those who believe we live in a post-feminist world, I have to strongly, strongly disagree. Feminism will never be irrelevant, much like civil rights it will need to be constantly addressed and confronted to make sure that society has not become lazy and drifted backwards. It is as big an issue today as it was thirty years ago and it will still be prevalent thirty years in the future. Get used to it.

Point 4: A world where ugly just doesn't exist (unless of course you're bad, then it's possible)
Did every character really have to be stunningly gorgeous? I mean, c'mon SM, you just make yourself sound like one of the outcast girls who sits alone at lunch, admiring the "perfect" and "stunning" popular girls who have it all. To use the appearance of the vampires as another tool to lure victims is one thing, but you only have to tell me once, I'm not an idiot. I don't need to be reminded every other page that vampires could make Helen of Troy go green with envy. They're gorgeous, I get it, now shut it. I've got to give her one thing though, she came up with a hell of a lot of ways to say beautiful (simply to write this paragraph I had to repeat stunning, beautiful, and gorgeous) Oh and by the way, I'm being sarcastic.

Point 5: Logic-Schmogic, right Stephenie?
I could pick apart the entire book, pointing out logic gaps, both small and large but I'll avoid that and just name some of the more fundamental ones that irk me. Firstly, what are the Cullens doing in a small town? There is no anonymity in a small town whatsoever - a city would have been a much better option. And if they just had to live in a small town, say for the clean air or open fields or whatever, why on earth would they go back to high school? I mean they don't exactly socialize with their peers do they (which would be the only plausible reason I can think of to go to a high school over and over again -- if you weren't in high school but, say a secluded estate which you could surely afford, you wouldn't have to socialize and people probably wouldn't speculate why someone they never see never ages...brilliant!) Also, if they felt this desire to go back to school and create some normal life for themselves, why not college? I mean, any teenager this day and age could pass for at least 19 with the help of clothes and make-up. A college is bigger, has a wider range of ages attending, and there is no need to intermingle as most college students go about their day without a second glance at a mysterious family who don't eat anything. I could think of about a hundred better ways to spend eternity -- but maybe Stephenie Meyer wanted her vampires to not only be vapid but also clueless. Hmmm...

Point 6: Your Argument is Weak!
Something that annoys me about the twitards' arguments is that they say that the book is fiction and therefor any problem with the plot or characters doesn't have to make sense. Ah-hem...excuse me? In the words of Tom Clany, "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." Reality is real, there is no question about that. No matter how crazy or unbelievable reality is, it will always have the advantage of being real. Fiction doesn't have that luxury. Those who write fiction have the added responsibility of convincing the readers that no matter how many strange creatures are thrown into the mix (vampires, werewolves, wizards, giants, etc.) their actions are still plausible. And the actions of the characters in Twilight just aren't. I don't believe a single thing from their personalities to the basis of the relationship between Bella and Edward. So Stephenie Meyer's attempt at believable fiction = epic fail. But apparently her ability to make emo teens and moms-stuck-in-a-loveless-marriage go crazy = epic success.

Good morning, Good evening, Good riddance.

Movie Review - The Blind Side

Sit down, relax, and enjoy a nice, warm cup of clarity
(Listening to: Lollipop by Mika)

Last night I went to the movie The Blind Side (for 10.00 a ticket plus pop and popcorn i might add and if that doesn't scream end of days I don't know what does) and I was very pleased with my choice. The movie was hilarious, heartwarming, and really stood out in a sea of triumphant-but-still-sad-enough-to-warm-your-heart sports movies. Here's the breakdown:

The Deets
The movie was written and directed by John Lee Hancock (2004's The Alamo) and based off of the book of the same name by author Michael Lewis. The book revolved around Michael Oher who grew up in the ghetto of Memphis, TN and went on to play football for the University of Mississippi and later the Baltimore Ravens. I'm not going to go much more into the story and pretend that I know much more about him than what was shown in the movie because, in terms of football, I am somewhere between completely unaware and utterly clueless.

Sandra Bullock played Leigh Anne Touhy, a staunch Christian and Southern Republican and she was absolutely amazing. The character could have easily been one-dimensional, but Sandra gave her depth, she gave her heart. Strong and proud, Bullock was, might I say, Oscar worthy? It might seem like an exaggeration but it would have been so easy to feel nothing towards this character, to even be put off by her strength and subsequent pride, but Bullock pulled the audience in with an undercurrent of insecurity and drive to want to make a true difference. Opposite Bullock was Tim McGraw, a country-singer-turned-actor who had his fair share of quips and jokes, which he handled nicely. No Oscar contention but a nice performance nonetheless. Quinton Aaron played Michael Oher and did a wonderful job. Granted most of his job included looking shy, blank and staying quiet, but he did it well. This was a boy who tested in the single digit percentiles in almost every subject except for "protective instincts"...now correct me if I'm wrong but I never remember being tested for my protective instincts...maybe I missed that day. But, again, Aaron did extremely well.

The Verdict...
If you hadn't guessed it from my comments above, I definitely recommend this movie. Now I consider myself very picky, especially when it comes to movies that attempt to pull at my heart strings because more often than not the only feeling they evoke is one of nausea (The only other movie like this that I did like was Remember the Titans...and there have been dozens of movies since...and they all sucked. Hmph). I give this movie a solid 4/5 coffee cups.

Good Morning, Good Evening, Good Riddance

Don't Push the Button! (but I really really want to!!!)

Sit down, relax, and enjoy a nice, warm cup of clarity
(Listening to: All Right Now by Free)

Okay so some of you may have heard of this little movie called New Moon. No big deal if you haven't, I'd just recommend you crawl out from the comfy little rock you've been under (wish I could have been there with you). Anyways...I do not like Twilight or any of the subsequent novels that followed (with a passion I might add) but I feel some sort of twisted curiosity to see this movie. I saw Twilight. Yes, yes, I saw Twilight...apparently 92% of the world did as well (I'm totally making that up but I have a sneaky feeling its almost spot on) and I hated the movie even more than the books (if that's possible...) And now, for some reason, I want to watch New Moon. I know I'm going to hate every second of it if I do but I can only liken it to something like being sat in front of a big red button and told that not to push it or something terrible will happen, like all of mankind will die. Now, nobody wants all of mankind to die but there is some gnawing curiosity in everyone that just wonders what would happen if they did press that button. Plus its big and its red, so right there is another HUGE temptation (I am not using that to highlight the appearance of the people in the movie...I happen to think almost none of them are more than moderately attractive...honestly...its just something to aid my mini-story, yeesh) So back to my point; I know I shouldn't, I know I really don't want to, but I feel this suicidal need to watch New Moon. Right now I'm holding off but I can't promise anything, my curiosity very well may get the better of me.

Here's to keeping my mind out of the muck that is the Twilight Saga (ugh, the name itself just makes me want to chuck something sparky into a river of lava)

Good morning, Good evening, Good riddance.

New Beginnings

Sit down, relax, and enjoy a nice, warm cup of clarity
(Listening to: Night Moves by Bob Seger)

I decided to bite the bullet and start one of these (it's free after all!). I have a lot to say and my closest friends are sick of listening to me so I thought I'd try a much bigger audience. I am very opinionated and once an opinion is formed it is very hard to change my mind (but please, try. Some have done it and I am always willing to hear out anyone). But enough about that, now to the interesting stuff.

I love movies (Finding Nemo, Gone with the Wind, Titanic, Les Choristes, Shaun of the Dead, Johnny English), television (30 Rock, Supernatural, Mad Men, Arrested Development, Glee, The Office), music (almost anything other than rap and especially classic rock and alternative), books (Harry Potter, Siddhartha, Ender's Series and anything by Stephen King or William Blake), and travel.

I watch most movies that pass through the theaters and a lot that don't. I like all kinds of genres from horror to documentaries to romantic comedies to independents. My favorite actors are Johnny Depp, Ewan McGregor, Simon Pegg, Kate Winslet, May Louis Parker and Emily Blunt (there are a lot more but I honestly can't name them all).

Anyways, that's just a little intro to me. From here on out my posts will be mostly opinion-driven posts (and believe me, I have plenty).

Good morning, Good evening, Good riddance.