The Obsession that is...Twilight

Sit down, relax and enjoy a nice, warm cup of clarity.
(Listening to: Simple Things by Amy Kuney)

Okay so it may not be original but it sure needs to be said. I cannot stand Twilight. I know there are plenty of you out there and while a lot of what I have to say has been said before, I do have some things to add. Mostly they concern Stephenie Meyer herself as she is the evil mastermind behind this bizarre obsession that has swept the world (no really, the world. People everywhere read that book! I wonder when space travel will be possible...) I'll try to organize my thoughts (for both our benefits) so give me a second...

Okay, ready.

Point 1: Stephenie Meyer - Evil Mastermind or Witless Retard?
So this Stephenie Meyer am honestly just baffled. She has admitted to writing the first book as something for herself, not even thinking of publishing until she realized she had a whole book. Hmm...really? Why on earth would a middle-aged woman be writing a semi-erotic story about two teenagers (well one is technically a 100+ year old vampire, but really, he acts like a moody emo teenager so I consider him labeled as such) who spend their time ogling over their partners looks or watching them sleep (neither of which is a foundation for a healthy relationship)? Simply put, I think that answer is based in SM's religion. Now, I have nothing against religion (except the fact that it often serves as a vessel for people to do evil in the name of their God - but for all you upstanding religious folk...hoorah) but Mormonism is much more than simply a religion, it is an entire culture. Now I have known many Mormons in my life and they are great people, incredibly nice and hard working, they value family which I can relate to but something always irked me about them. I think with Meyer and her novel Twilight it is finally clear what that something was. It is a repression of every female aspiration or characteristic that didn't, in some way or another, aid them in securing a husband and children. Now as a female myself, that is very scary. I could not imagine looking ahead at my life knowing that no matter how smart I was, how good I did in school, or how far I set my sights, the man I married and children I bore would be all I would ever be expected to contribute to the world. Meyer obviously has this mentality engraved deep, deep into her brain because it is seeping out of the pages of Twilight and it's sequels. Bella can't wait to marry Edward and bear his children, she forsakes college *ahem*, friends *cough*, family *hack*, and basically anything that a normal teenager might look forward to *my throat is sore...*. Now I can just hear the twilight fans (twitards...hey I didn't make it up, it's just easier to type...and a little more satisfying) saying "but she's NOT normal!!! She's soooo special, haven't you seen the way Edward stares at her, the way he watches her walk, talk, and sleep" (yea, I have, but thanks for that reminder *shiver*). My response - No. Bella is not a mature teenager, she is an immature middle-aged woman (sound familiar Stephenie Meyer???) Not one decision she makes is one that a mature individual would make, but one a person who only THINKS they're mature would. I mean, how many times throughout the book does Bella bring up how selfless she is, how annoyed she is with her immature peers, how she knows exactly what she wants to do with the rest of her life at the tender age of 17? It's a sick, distorted view of what mature really means.

Point 2: Slow and steady wins the race, but I guess quick and illogical makes the bank
I'm just going to mention it because I could go on about it forever (see above paragraph...overkill?...ah well) but the fact that SM wrote this book in 3 months (!!!) is ridiculous. No plausible story could be created in that short a span of time and it is really obvious that she put almost no planning into the story whatsoever (it was only meant to be a catalog of her favorite wet dreams after all...) There, I said it, I'm done.

Point 3: You don't want to be barefoot and pregnant? Wait, are you a girl?
Every female character's attitude and actions could be whittled down to their attitude towards men and children (except for Alice, which just shows how little character development SM put into everyone other than Bella and Edward because I'm sure it would've come up sooner or later had this been Alice's story) The fact that Bella is always trying to have sex with Edward, to give up any semblance of a life to simply be with him is like a huge arrow with blinking lights pointing towards a brightly colored billboard that says "Um, duh, this girl has no brain, no ambition, and no self respect". Twilight is anti-feminist. There, I said it. Now, for some reason there is a sort of taboo associated with the word feminist today, which I believe has less to do with what that word actually represents and more to do with what those who appose it fear. But feminism isn't about putting down men, it's about raising up women and creating a stable foundation for equality to flourish. Does that sound so bad? Does it sound scary and wrong? No, of course not but people have always used fear as a tool to turn people against certain things. And for those who believe we live in a post-feminist world, I have to strongly, strongly disagree. Feminism will never be irrelevant, much like civil rights it will need to be constantly addressed and confronted to make sure that society has not become lazy and drifted backwards. It is as big an issue today as it was thirty years ago and it will still be prevalent thirty years in the future. Get used to it.

Point 4: A world where ugly just doesn't exist (unless of course you're bad, then it's possible)
Did every character really have to be stunningly gorgeous? I mean, c'mon SM, you just make yourself sound like one of the outcast girls who sits alone at lunch, admiring the "perfect" and "stunning" popular girls who have it all. To use the appearance of the vampires as another tool to lure victims is one thing, but you only have to tell me once, I'm not an idiot. I don't need to be reminded every other page that vampires could make Helen of Troy go green with envy. They're gorgeous, I get it, now shut it. I've got to give her one thing though, she came up with a hell of a lot of ways to say beautiful (simply to write this paragraph I had to repeat stunning, beautiful, and gorgeous) Oh and by the way, I'm being sarcastic.

Point 5: Logic-Schmogic, right Stephenie?
I could pick apart the entire book, pointing out logic gaps, both small and large but I'll avoid that and just name some of the more fundamental ones that irk me. Firstly, what are the Cullens doing in a small town? There is no anonymity in a small town whatsoever - a city would have been a much better option. And if they just had to live in a small town, say for the clean air or open fields or whatever, why on earth would they go back to high school? I mean they don't exactly socialize with their peers do they (which would be the only plausible reason I can think of to go to a high school over and over again -- if you weren't in high school but, say a secluded estate which you could surely afford, you wouldn't have to socialize and people probably wouldn't speculate why someone they never see never ages...brilliant!) Also, if they felt this desire to go back to school and create some normal life for themselves, why not college? I mean, any teenager this day and age could pass for at least 19 with the help of clothes and make-up. A college is bigger, has a wider range of ages attending, and there is no need to intermingle as most college students go about their day without a second glance at a mysterious family who don't eat anything. I could think of about a hundred better ways to spend eternity -- but maybe Stephenie Meyer wanted her vampires to not only be vapid but also clueless. Hmmm...

Point 6: Your Argument is Weak!
Something that annoys me about the twitards' arguments is that they say that the book is fiction and therefor any problem with the plot or characters doesn't have to make sense. Ah-hem...excuse me? In the words of Tom Clany, "The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." Reality is real, there is no question about that. No matter how crazy or unbelievable reality is, it will always have the advantage of being real. Fiction doesn't have that luxury. Those who write fiction have the added responsibility of convincing the readers that no matter how many strange creatures are thrown into the mix (vampires, werewolves, wizards, giants, etc.) their actions are still plausible. And the actions of the characters in Twilight just aren't. I don't believe a single thing from their personalities to the basis of the relationship between Bella and Edward. So Stephenie Meyer's attempt at believable fiction = epic fail. But apparently her ability to make emo teens and moms-stuck-in-a-loveless-marriage go crazy = epic success.

Good morning, Good evening, Good riddance.


Post a Comment